Ski Shops and Current Economic Downturn has “Real” Ski Techs disappearing.

“Real” Ski Techs Disappearing

By: Team Billy

So how will you know if the ski tech serving you is the real thing or not? Allow me to share my thoughts and experience.

I hate going into a ski shop where the kid selling ski gear has a fluorescent tan. You know the type, so pale from being indoors that he looks like a vampire and acts like one too. He follows you around. He lurks. His commission is his blood. The kid tells ya that these boots never gave him “shin-bang.” You know that it’s true because in the 15 days he skis a season, he’s so far in the back seat that his shins never make contact with the front of his boots.

He refers to all shape skis as parabolic, ski runs as slopes, ski hills as resorts. He can quote every line from the last Warren Miller movie and has studied every ski industry sales video as if it were the Bible. Worst of all, he talks down to you as he touts himself as the world’s greatest skier. As you say goodbye he responds with, “See ya on the slopes!”, and you’re thinking that it’s time to buy a helmet with rear-view mirrors attached.

Show me a real ski tech. I want the guy who’s staring into outer space while you ask him about ski gear. He looks at you with that dark brown raccoon tan, blood shot eyes and answers, “Huh?” You ask the same question again and his reply is simple, “These skis make the best turns you can handle!” “I haven’t

broken a pair yet…, man.” And who makes the best ski boot, you ask? “ This boot is awesome, the control is outta hand! They kill my feet, but the pain is worth it…”

You ask him what he thought of the last Warren Miller movie and he replies that he slept through it cause he skied 15,000 vertical that day on some glacier you’ve never heard of. All ski movies put him to sleep.

That’s because he lives the ski movie every time he goes out on the hill.

Does he like shaped skis? “Yeah,” he replies, “I have 6 pair, but I’ve got 6 pair of straight skis I turn on 20-30 times a season just for old time sake.” Are you a good skier? “Maybe, I guess?” “Some days I can handle anything and other days I’m picking myself up off the hill and just scratching my head.” Do you wear a helmet? “If I didn’t wear a helmet, I wouldn’t have made it to work today!” Should I buy a helmet? “Probably a good idea, you never know who’s behind you!?!”

You remember seeing this kid in the ski lodge yesterday. He was cruising the cafeteria scarfing up the scraps of food left behind at the empty tables. His Gore-Tex is faded and has never been washed. He’s wearing $1500.00 dollars worth of clothing that looks like it was stolen from a thrift store. He just doesn’t have the time to wash it. Skiing is his life. It takes all of his spare time. All his equipment is top of the line.

Whatever this kid says to buy, I’m buy’n it. He likes to Tele ski. He likes to bump. He loves groomers, powder, steep chutes and snowboarding. He loves to work, as long as there are split shifts. He prefers evenings because at six A.M. he’s hiking out to a secret powder stash in the middle of nowhere. His $9.00 dollar an hour job provides him with a means: deals on gear, a season pass, an overcrowded condo and bad food washed down with cheap beer. This kid could be President, but he has developed a passion that few ever realize and even fewer get to live. It’s the American Dream without the nightmare. He is a “skiing god” of the highest order.

Next time you’re looking to buy equipment, seek this kid out. He’s the one hanging out in the ski or boot department. He won’t approach you to make the sale for fear he might actually earn a commission and develop a bad case of ambition. He combs his hair with a tank vacuum. He bathes only because his girlfriend makes him. This kid will tell you the truth, the truth of on-hill skiing experience. His experience is obvious at a glance. You have to force him to tell you how well he can ski and he’ll never tell you where the best skiing is. He has firm convictions, strong opinions and he keeps them to himself.

Take your wife or girlfriend along. If her first reaction to the kid is a gag-reflex, yet she continues to steal glances, you have the right guy. If you ask him which bindings are the best, and he replies, “These here man, they never come off!” You know you’ve found a real ski tech.